atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
