I hate all girls vehemently.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize