I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
