I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You are a genius and a whore.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
