i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize