Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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