we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
