Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
