he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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