did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
