Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
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I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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