I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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