You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I smell stomach acid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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