singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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