You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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