I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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