i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
