The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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