i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
