I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
