all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
