I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
