i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
