how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
