I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
