oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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