I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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