Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
