i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
ok first of all what the fuck
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
