Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
