Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
