i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize