Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
