Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
