My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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