I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
