are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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