He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
