$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
