Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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