Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
