So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
