Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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