people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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