This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
