i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
