Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
