Moan for me like Helen Keller
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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