Betty ford says i'm here all night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
they need to just BURY HIM!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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