So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
