from now on my penis is your penis
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
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I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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