watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize