walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
