2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
