So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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