I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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