So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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