Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
