I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
