I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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