Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
