Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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