I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
