A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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