so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
